A meaning beyond being discarded like mutton dalcha down the drain

I've been using this Ramadhan to slow things a bit and be more introspective about things. The biggest takeaway for me is that (a) you will never know why certain things did or did not happen, although you can jolly well postulate until the postman comes home, and (b) the reason why certain things did or did not happen was probably for your own good.

Take, for example, my Fulbright Scholarship application. I began in earnest in Feb 2013 applying for the scholarship, reputed to be one of the most sought-after and competitive for studying in the U.S. The application process was rigorous - I had to draft 3 essays that were succint, informative, within a strict word limit and which explained my professional and personal goals. Basically, my entire life story and why I should get the award had to be in those few pages. Not easy, my friends. It required plenty of drafts and comments from a variety of folks. Heck, the toughest part was starting to write the first line. But it got better soon after.

Then I had to do my TOEFL and GRE. TOEFL was easy, since we have all been writing and speaking in English since we started watching Sesame Street every Saturday at 12pm in the 1980s. The GRE, my friends, was not easy. Not. Easy. The English component was alright, but the Maths did not sit well with me. I practiced long and hard, doing past year questions. In the end I did okay, but not fantastic.

Then there was the interview. Never before had I ever been so seized by the thought of "failing" an interview. By Allah's Grace, I pulled through and was spared the tough questions (I think).

Then the result came. I did not get it. Instead, I was offered what they called "alternate candidacy", which meant I will get the scholarship if someone who really got it, pulled out for some unknown or known reason, or if there is a happy excess of funding by the U.S. Federal government. Both possibilities seemed unlikely, considering why anyone would give up their award (unless they have a major life issue) and the States' fiscal situation now.

So was all that effort for naught? Of course. It went down the bloody drain. Pooft. Like a bowl of mutton dalcha discarded after a joyous wedding.

But then I realised that a lot of things were going for me:
- I had come until the interview stage. Which means a whole bunch of other folks got knocked out in the process.
- They did not outright reject my application. Which means they would have liked to have me on board but due to some constraints, could not.
- I had gone through the entire application process, and I know exactly what to expect when applying to study in the U.S. Which means I can try again and share with other people what to expect.
- I probably didn't get it because it's better for me in some way, which I don't know about. Maybe I'm supposed to have another kid instead of taking a flight of fancy to study public policy?
- I probably didn't get it - yet - because I have to learn to be patient?

So all kinds of introspective injunctions flew inside my head. And heart. And at the end of the day, I just told myself that wa la how-la, wa la kuwwatha, illa billahil aliyil azim, which means - "There is no strength or power except with Allah, the Most High, the Greatest."