The Good Son

Why do we have children?

Is it to produce more human capital to oil the wheels of the economy? They give us the baby bonus for this. To take care of us in old age? What if you pass away before old age? (what is 'old' anyway?) To continue the family line? Is anyone going to remember you long after you are gone? To make life more fulfilling? As if we don't complicate our lives as they already are.

Many different people have different ideas about why they have children. Recently, I found that children are very important for two important reasons - to pray for your well-being and forgiveness of sins after you pass on, and to take care of people and things you leave after you pass on.

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After a gruelling 6 hours in the delivery ward, our son was born on 3 March 08, at 3.05pm. My wife's a real champ - she displayed unmatched strength, stamina and the willpower to keep at it to make our son come out a healthy person.

The next few days were surreal - is this really our kid? Was this same thing inside her stomach for the last 37 weeks? Are we now parents?

Visitors came and went and bought a lot of useful things for the boy - diapers and clothes topping the list.

Upon discharge and coming home, baby had to adjust from womb life, to hospital life, and now to Kim Tian life. The relatives started pouring in during the weekends, and I tried to make myself scarce. Friends also came, slowly digesting the fact that I was now a father.

And a father I am. It's been an absolute joy feeding the baby, cuddling him, bathing him and taking pictures with him. I don't quite enjoy changing diapers (one: because he becomes violent and tries to smear it all over himself and two: see one) but it's part of the jobscope lah, what to do. While I've lost my temper a few times because of his I-get-all-figetty-at-night syndrome, I try to control it and tell myself that I was probably a similar (or more) troublemaker when I was little and gave my parents more reasons to beat me with a Made-in-Taiwan ladle.

I resume work next week - so less pastoral duties for me (presumably) as I will be busy making dough for the family.

Salam

We visited dad's resting place today. My Ustaz had said that we needed to ensure the place where he lay was properly cleaned and maintained, if not it might be sunken more than the rest and it might be damaged by the elements. On the contrary, it was pretty well-maintained as the contractor had done a good job of putting a grass mound on it and cleaning around it.

We recited Yaasin for Dad and put some flowers and rose water on the mound. The tombstone contractor was incidentally around the area, and when asked for ideas on beautifying the area, he asked us to refer to other burial mounds to get ideas. Eventually we decided on making a garden-themed mound, with flowers and stuff. Dad liked gardens and flowers. He had nicely landscaped the house in India to resemble a mini botanical garden. He had even brought a flower or two from Singapore to plant it there through marcotting, as that particular variety was unavailable in India. We plan to get some flowers from the garden in India to plant it on his mound, just the way he would have liked it.

Clouds overhung the cemetery, against the blue sky. It reminded me of the serenity I felt on the day we came to lay dad to rest. May all the souls rest in peace with the Almighty.

Father And Son

I had always wondered why I never bothered to space out the major events in my life. I got a job, got married and got a flat in a one-year time frame.

2 weeks ago, this day, I was reminded that it is not I who plans major events in my life.

I lost my father suddenly. Even now I'm grappling with the suddenness of his departure. Although I'm fully aware that the time of death of a person is written on the day the person is created, and that the Angel of Death will not wait for a second longer once a person's time is up, my limited mind has difficulty in coming to grips with not being able to hear my father's voice or speak to him in such a sudden time frame.

Ten days later, my son was born. The sensation of seeing a new life in this world, after barely getting over the departure of another, is a strange experience. In ten days, I lost my father and became a father.

As my newborn son cries for comfort, I hope that my father finds comfort in seeing his grandson, and his son having a son to call his own.

~ Jalaludeen s/o Abdul Kasim ~
1946 - 2008

May Allah grant him peace, mercy and forgiveness in life, and after life.
Ameen, Ya Rabbal Aalameen

We'll catch up soon, dad.